Believing in Yourself Made Easy

There is really no reason for this to exist

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Slugger Story 1

Once you’ve been eaten twice by a krakken nothing else really seems all that scary. The first time was my fault. “Hey, the krakken killed me.” Oh? I guess I will row my little boat over there and see what that’s all about. All there is before you die is a sound. If you’re lucky, you’ll see a lightning storm and maybe some scary red eyes. Otherwise you, your boat, and whatever innocence you have just explode into numbers, and you’re picking yourself up next to a priestess asking yourself what even just happened. The second time is considerably more random, but so much worse. The storm hits, you hear the roar, and you think just maybe you can outrun it but then your entire clipper turns into scrap wood and you pan the camera around your lifeless corpse and see nothing. You don’t even see it - you’re not worth its time.

We talk to some seasoned players and they say they’ve never even seen the krakken. I feel strangely proud of myself, despite basically being the realization of somebody’s weird tentacle fetish.

These guys, Etal, are planning a massive trade run. They stand to gain anywhere from 11 to 44 stars, and they ask us to come along with them. I’m okay with this, but my earlier bodyguard efforts were pretty lacking. Earlier we had plunged into a river during what should have been a relatively simple run and ended up being carried away into another zone entirely. While underwater mining in enemy territory, Hunter was killed by some nerd and then some 50s showed up which is something I’m not equipped to deal with yet. Coincidentally, one of those 50s showed up on Freidich while we were there only to get curbstomped. I tripled my honor just tagging reds on the island. Where I can’t fight, I’ve become pretty good at running away when things go sour - as long as it doesn’t involve a giant octopus monster.

Etal plans their approach extremely carefully. We approach in two boats - one adorned with a saxophone playing maniac and the other, quite plain. They have two scouts on the island relaying information. They make sure that they’re outside of radar range in case an enemy galleon arrives. Our first docking left everyone salty. A massive red raid, rivaling ours, arrived almost completely randomly. To make matters worse, some nerds were approaching from our arrival point, threatening to cut us off. For what seems like forever, I feel like I’m the only one standing between these oppertunists and our precious cargo. They don’t charge - even if they managed to zerg through my CC they’d get focused down. Dur’s there too, ready to tank. If we lost 2 guys, we still would have he and I to pick up the packs. They make the right move and step off like chumps.

The second touchdown was much smoother. Some clowns at the priestess statue threatened to approach, but were obviously scared off by our sheer numbers. The carries make it to the center, and the rest of us go to guard the entryways. I was extremely impressed with how fast and organized Etal managed to turn in the packs. When I hear Pepero’s name called, a wave of relief comes over me. They congratulate themselves, and my contribution feels meager - there was no combat. It’s fine though, because I came away with new knowledge and confidence, and the guild came away with a new ally.

Filed under Archeage

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This game uses the same deck as Smuggler and Stacker but 0’s are read as 5’s, and the cards are suited.

The goal of the game is to compose the best hand by bidding on the remaining 10 cards. A hand is composed of 1 ‘meld’ and 1 pair. A meld is any 3 suited numbers in a row (aka a run), or 3 copies of the same number (aka a set).

Both players draw a hand of 5 cards and, idk like 10 poker chips. The remaining cards in the deck are placed face up on the table in front of both players.

Starting with the non-dealer, players alternate bidding on cards until they run out of chips. They do this by placing their chips on a card that they want. After both players run out, they each take the cards that they won - ties means that neither player gets the card.

Each player now composes their 5 card hand (discarding any unecessary cards) and then they reveal simultaneously. The player with the more powerful hand wins.

Valuing Hands:
Scoring hands is simple.

Add all the cards of your set.
Take this value and multiply it by the number on your pair cards. So if you have a pair of 4’s, you multiply this by 4.
Therefore if you have a hand that conists of 444-33 you have 36 points.

This game is probably really swingy and random. It’s worth pointing out I don’t test these. Well, more like I haven’t had the chance to. If a player starts out with a monster hand there’s not a lot you can do about it and then that player can just overbid all the cards you want. Idk.

Filed under game design head hurts